Classified: Seras's Secret Diary
by Built This Way
Summary: Pip, Walter, Alucard, and Integra noticed Seras has been acting weird and want to know why. After snooping in her bedroom, Alucard finds Sera's diary and everyone decides to read it together. But will they like what they read? Takes place in manga/ova.
1. Intro

**Opening Note: I Do Not Own Hellsing or it's characters at all. So basically this is a fanfic series I wanted to write for awhile about Seras Victoria, writing her funny thoughts about the events in Hellsing in her POV while the fabulous forsome (Integra, Walter, Pip, and Alucard), will they give their reactions to Seras's comments about the recent events in Hellsing. **

"_Secrets are made to be found out with time."-Charles Sanford_

Intro:

"I feel terrible for doing this." Walter announced with a sigh as he opened the chamber doors of Seras Victoria's bedroom with one of keys.

_Click. _

The Hellsing Butler opened the door slightly while the other figure next to him walked past him and entered the young Draculina's room

"Okay I know this is kinda wrong in so many levels but we are doing this for her own good! "

Captain Pip Bernadotte reasoned while immediately walking around the bedroom to look for anything out of the ordinary.

Walter shook his head.

"I understand we are both concerned about Miss Victoria's lately but isn't this a little extreme? I mean breaking into a young woman's bedroom without her permission in order to get some evidence the cause of her recent gloomy behavior?"

Pip laughed as he saw the butler's face. Clearly he was sweating and nervous about trespassing into a young vampire's bedroom and was thinking about the scolding Seras will give him.

"Really, Mr. Walter. You should lighten up. She'll never know we were here! " Pip started as he looked inside the desk drawer. "Besides, you know she won't tell us what's wrong cause she thinks in her pretty little head of hers, that she is a burden."

"Still…" Walter began but was stopped when the Pip held out his hand.

"Mr. Walter, Just think of it this way. The sooner we find the reason for Seras's sudden sadness, the sooner we will be able to help her smile again."

The Angel of Death considered the mercenary's logic and then grinned. "If you don't mind me saying, Mr. Bernadotte…You have a sneaky way of thinking but you're right. It does make an old man very sad to see such a lovely young lady, sulking around Hellsing without telling anyone what's wrong."

Pip grinned and smacked Walter's back. "Good! Now I wonder were it is…"

"It what? Are you looking for something specific?" Walter asked as he now saw Pip lifting the tiny circular rug up on the floor.

Pip nodded. "A diary."

Walter blinked. "A diary? Of course…Wait. How do we even know Miss Victoria even has a diary?"

"**OH SHE DOES ALRIGHT HAHAHAHAHA"**

Both men gave out a yelp and flinched as they turned to see shadows appearing at the wall, and out came the infamous No Life King, Alucard. He gave a wicked grin to the two men.

"Good Evening Gentlemen. To what do I owe the pleasure of having you enter my servant's bedroom chamber?"

Walter slightly blushed and coughed while a scarlet-faced Pip shuddered at the Alucard.

"The Hell! We were just uh…wait a second! What makes YOU have the right to enter into Seras's room?" Bernadotte nervously countered back as he took a few steps back away from Alucard.

Alucard walked toward Seras's coffin."Well, I am her master by blood. You know, the one who gave her eternal life. Besides, I'm practically the only family she has, so I guess you can say I am like her new vampire daddy."

Both Walter and Pip shook their head at the thought of Alucard being fatherly. The No Life King pulled open the coffin and then smiled he lifted his fledging's neatly folded blanket that had a huge stuffed teddy bear in the center. He lifted the bear and saw a medium sized baby pink journal with a tiny heart shaped lock. On center of the diary, was a white little cat that, contained two black eyes, a tiny yellow nose, three black whiskers on each side of her cheeks, and apparently the adorable white cat was mouth less.

The only difference to this familiar cat was that instead of the usual red or pink bow on the left side of its ear, Seras drew some black wings and in the center she added in an "S". Alucard laughed at the fact, this was how she choose this kitty to symbolize for her human nickname "kitten" when she was in the police force; but also added in the bat wings to symbolize her vampire self. Maybe she did enjoyed being a vampire a little after all.

_'Typical, of my childish servant to get something so cute and girly.'_

"Found it." Alucard lazily stated as he lifted the diary in front of the men. "Now let's see why my little draculina is upset. Normally I would have already found out but I haven't seen her that much lately due to our missions and now I'm resort to do my research like a human. How sad and yet a little entertaining at the same time don't you agree?"

Pip blinked. "How did you know-"

"Super hearing as well as telepathic powers." Walter interrupted as he shook his head.

They both came forward and smiled at pink journal.

"Alright!" Pip shouted. "Let's open up it up and see what's going on with the Mignonette."

They all gathered together at Seras's dinner table that was in side of the room. They all set in the chairs and placed the diary in the middle. They all stared at the cute pink diary for a moment.

"It seems as if we do not have the heart shape locket key to open Miss Victoria's diary. " Walter pointed out even though it was pretty obvious.

Pip smacked his forehead and groaned. "Grrreeeaaat. Now what?"

"You fools, you forget who's right here!" Alucard stated as one his shadows began to appear out in front of the diary.

Immediately, the shadow went inside the heart shaped lock and wiggled inside hard enough for the lock to open. All of them smiled for a moment and as Alucard opened the book. Before any of them could read the first page, the chamber door swung open.

"What is the bloody meaning of this?" Integra asked with a grim expression on her faced at the three men who were huddled together library.

"MASTER!" Alucard clapped as he burst into hysterical laughter. "You're just in time."

"In time for what?" Integra asked as her eyebrows raised an eyebrow while walking toward the three men.

"Walter? Captain Bernadotte? What on earth-I was looking for you two. What the bloody hell is going on here and why are you in Seras's bedroom? You do realize she's on a solo mission and this is indeed an invasion of her privacy. Oh god…Please do not even tell me you all are stealing and observing her unmentionables. "

Both Walter and Pip blushed and sulked into their chairs at the fact Integra would even suggest such a thing (but mostly upset for not thinking of doing that in the first place). Alucard however gave a perverted grin while his wiggled his eyebrows to Integra, which made her scoff.

"What a wonderful idea, my master! But I'm afraid you are got something very interesting in our hands." Alucard replied.

Integra blinked and then sarcastically added. "Oh, Really? What is it? Do tell. I'm quivering with anticipation."

Alucard merely smiled and stood up to offer his master a seat. He gave her a slight flirtatious look, which made Integra roll her eyes. She walked forward and sat in the chair while Alucard pulled another chair out as he sat down. Integra looked in front of her and noticed a pink journal. Immediately, she knew this is was Seras Victoria's diary since merely by the appearance of it.

"A diary? Not only any diary…Seras's diary? All right, what's going on? Why are we trespassing into Seras's room, sitting in her table, with her diary in the center of it?"

The men looked at each other for a moment until Alucard and Pip both faced the Hellsing Butler. He sighed in defeat and then began.

"Sir Integra." Walter started. "We all are here today because we are concerned with Miss. Victoria. I'm sure you have noticed her odd behavior for the past two weeks. Every time we confronted her, she laughs it off and "assures" us that nothing is wrong. Though clearly there is something wrong. We are hoping to find the cause of this in order to help her with whatever is bothering her."

Integra nodded. "I see. Yes well. I won't deny I haven't noticed Seras's attitude lately. Still…Is this how you all decided to solver the problem? By breaking into her room and snooping around her personal space for some clues. Not mention, snooping inside her diary? "

The iron maiden's glasses flashed for a moment as she gave them a dead pan expression.

"Well it's no wonder you all are still single. Clearly you have no idea to approach a troubled woman properly. This whole thing is ridiculous and pathetic."

Integra's words hit them all hard (especially Walter) and the atmosphere became a gloomy one. Integra could have sworn she saw faint rain clouds raining in the men for a dramatic effect.

She closed her eyes and began blowing out the smoke from her cigar.

"But as ridiculously pathetic this is, I'm afraid this is the only way we can find out what is wrong with Seras. I, myself, demanded to know what was wrong with her but she flat changes the subject and has been avoiding me lately because of that. "

"Fine, Fine. We'll- Wait. You want us to read her diary?" Pip and Walter asked their eyes widened. "I thought you just said-"

"Are you sure, my master? Think about this_ very_ carefully. Because once we open the cover, there's no turning back…" Alucard interrupted.

The No Life King glanced at Integra who was lighting her cigarette again. "So… What are your final orders, my master?"

Suddenly, the cigar began to slightly turn into ashes in the front and fell into the table and Integra's blue eyes flashed with anger as she slammed Sera's table with tremendous force.

"HOW DARE YOU FOR QUESTIONING MY RESOLVE. I ALREADY GAVE YOU MY MARCHING ORDERS SOLDIERS. SEARCH AND REPORT. SEARCH AND REPORT! WE MUST READ THIS DIARY COVER TO COVER ALOUD! STARTING WITH THE FIRST PAGE! HELLSING DOES NOT RUN AWAY FROM OUR COMERADES. READ IT ALL! MAKE SURE TO LEAVE NOT A BLOODY WORD OUT FROM THIS BOOK!"

Integra breathed heavily as Alucard hysterically laughed. For some reason Walter felt awkward and had déjà vu while Pip felt as if his soul flew out of his body for a moment and then shivered at how ominous his new boss was when questioned about her orders.

After a few minutes, everyone settled down.

"Now then." Integra started as she gave a small smile. "If you all may. I prefer to read second."

Pip gave a huge grin to his new boss and then turned to Alucard. "You heard the boss's orders Mister Alucard. Let's open the first page and read it aloud! Starting with you Alucard. "

Walter nodded in silence as a small smile crept into his face.

"Alright." Alucard replied as he opened the book slowly.

On the first page, contained clear page. He grunted and turned to the next and smiled.

He then read out loud. "Table of Contents"

Walter and Integra chuckled on how adorable Seras was to even write that on the top of the page like a little elementary student.

"What the hell?" Pip commented as he laughed. "You are lying!"

Alucard smiled as he turned the book in front of them. At this point no one even tried to hide their laughter as they saw in big black letters, "Table of Contents" that was designed in cutesy block letters.

"Wait a second…look at the list. She added titles." Integra pointed out the smile disappearing.

Pip leaned in for a closer look. "She's right."

"Not just any titles. There-" Walter added as his eyes widened with curiosity.

Alucard chuckled. "Some of them are titled with our names."

**Table of Contents**

**1.**"_**Memento Mori**_**"-****Prologue**

**2. Master Alucard**

**3. Hellsing**

**4. Mission/Father Anderson**

**5. Adjusting **

**6. Mr. Walter**

**7. Valentine Brothers**

**8. Sir Integra Hellsing**

**9. Captain Bernadotte**

**10. Museums **

**11. Coffins/Dreams**

**12. The Brazilian Battle**

**13. Conference Meeting/ The Queen/ Schrodinger! **

**14. What the F-F-Frack? Vampire Nazis? **

**15. Blood…Blood…Blood…**

**16. Feelings**

**17. Family**

"Well this is gonna be a little interesting." Alucard stated. "Shall we go in order or-?"

"In order please." Integra demanded trying to not sound eager.

Pip nodded. "Fine with me. You Mr. Walter?"

"Of course." Walter stated as he fixed his monocle.

"Well then, let's begin shall we?" Alucard announced as he turned to the page for the prologue chapter.

"Prologue_: Memento Mori-Always remember you mortality."_

_To be continued._

**Note: Lmao Oh you know Integra so wanted to read Seras's diary as much as the other guys. As for the order's scene, I love, love, LOVE that scene so much in the ova and manga I just had to add in here (Of course, with a few minor adjustments. XD) Pip and Walter! Tehehe I love those guys. And who can we forget Alucard! :D **

**tehehe Hello Kitty makes an appearance! XD**

**This fanfic will also explore many things like her views on Alucard, Integra, Walter, and Pip. She will also talk about all the enemies as well (like Father Anderson, Enrica Maxwell, Schrodinger, and many more. I want this to be kinda of a funny and light fanfic series. So I hope you enjoy! **

**I hope you enjoyed the intro and stay tuned for the next chapter. **


	2. Prologue: Memento Mori

**Opening Note:** _**WOW I am very surprised. I didn't think I would get many reviews for this one. Wow thank you all for comments.**__**I just wanted to let you guys know what will be happening. The Bold writing will mean the Seras's written entries.**__**I also wanted to tell you the order of who will be reading. First is Alucard, than Integra, than Pip and than Walter. OH and one last thing...For any guy readers readings this, you will be warned there will be a certain part in this story that might make you very uncomfortable. I'll give you a hint: Every girl goes through it every month. If you can't handle this, than you can't handle women and or life. XD Enjoy! **_

Alucard smiled and turned the page and raised his eyebrows. "It appears our Seras wrote an opening note."

Everyone laughed and demanded him to read it.

"**Before, I start my short tale of my life before I became a vampire, I should probably explain why I am even doing this in the first place. I tend to be a very forgetful person and well the idea of being alive for all eternity makes me wonder…Will I truly forget a lot of my memories through the flow of time? The idea of forgetting all my memories is pretty frightening…**

**I really wanted to ask Master about this was possible. But as usual his intimidating glare and his annoying ability to laugh and make fun of me just made me think twice about asking him. I decided to take it upon myself from this moment on to record every important event that has happened in my vampire life in this diary.**

**(Damn, I really hope master doesn't find this ever…I mean he will eventually but I hope it'll be in like thirty years from now. Curse that horrid man! )**

**Anyway, I guess all I can say now is this: Sit back, relax, and enjoy the bizarre and twisted show that is now my undead life. "**

"It's like she wrote the opening note, knowing we would read this." Integra commented as she laughed at the irony of it all.

Alucard nodded. "Indeed. It's rather funny how she even knows me well enough to even write that I would find this diary. It's actually quite touching really. Unfortunately to my little fledging, I always cease to disappoint her. Hmmf, Thirty years. I found out she had a diary three days after I turned her into a vampire but I didn't feel like reading until now. "

"Oh Alucard." Walter shook is head in displeasure. "You're terrible."

Pip laughed. "Oh man, I feel sorry for the poor girl. It truly must suck to have this man as a master."

Alucard winked at Pip, which made him shiver and turned the next page. "Aw! Here we are."

"_**Prologue: Memento Mori..."**_

"Memento Mori?" Integra and Pip both asked in confusion. "What on earth does that even mean?"

"Memento Mori, I believe it is a infamous latin phrase." Walter began. "Although curse, my old mind. I can not remember what it means."

"Walter's correct but the phrase has three meanings." Alucard started. "Memento Mori can either mean, "Remember you must and or will die. She wrote the other meaning after."

" _**Memento Mori…Always remember your mortality. "**_

The No Life King gazed at Pip, Integra, and Walter who nodded and he continued.

"**Memento Mori. Really it's such a fitting title for the most recent events that has happened to me. Ordinary nineteen-year-old police girl one day, and a dead never aging vampire girl by night. Funny how you're life can change in an instant. **

**Now, I'm just a Draculina, weapon of destruction, child of the night, most importantly a newly appointed Hellsing recruit member. Clever titles huh?**

**How the bloody hell did my life reach this point? **

**Okay, sure I didn't have the best life a normal girl could ask for. The moment I graduated top of my class from the police academy and becoming the youngest female officer in the Police Force, I thought finally things would turn for the better. **

**But as usual I was wrong…Terribly…Utterly…Horribly wrong. "**

"You got that right." Alucard laughed.

Pip raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Alucard! That's not a very nice thing to say!"

"Indeed." Integra added. "You are too mean on the poor girl."

Walter nodded. "I must agree with Sir Integra and Captain Bernadotte."

The No Life King scoffed. "You all baby her too much. And no, I am not mean. I just happen to be a firm believer in tough love, thank you very much. Listen, parents have a lot of ways to deal with kids. Some feed them their children lies in order to spare their children any mental suffering. Others have no patience with them and beat the living shit out of them. Me? Well, I don't abuse the girl nor do I tell her pathetic lies in order to protect her. I say what she needs to hear and tell her the cold hard truth. If that doesn't win me best father of the year award, I don't know what does."

Pip snorted, Walter sighed, and Integra rolled her eyes.

"Just get back to the story, you bloody moron."

The huge grin plastered on the No Life King's face. "I do enjoy your little nicknames for me, my master."

"I'm warning you…" Integra started as her glasses flashed while giving him a glare.

"Alright, Alright." Alucard muttered.

"**Before I get into the night that lead up to my blood-sucking fate. Let's go turn the clock backwards to my childhood. **

**I honestly considered myself truly and utterly happy when I was a child. Maybe that's why today I still act childish. **

**I wasn't exactly born into privilege or come from a rich background like Sir Integra. I was born in a normal family, in a normal sized house in the countryside, and had ordinary parents. **

**My Daddy, Mr. William Victoria was a high-ranking police officer. My Mommy, Sybil Victoria was a middle school teacher at a public school. The two were apparently child hood friends and until my daddy moved away closer to the city when he was twelve. About ten years later, my father and mother ran into each other into the city…literally. They were not looking were they were going and bumped into each other's face. **

**From there, you can guess what happened. They reconnect, dated, started a relationship, after five years of being a relationship they got engaged, they became fiancés for about another year, got married, were a newly wed couple for about two more years, and then-BAM! My parents were ready to have a baby, then after a year…BAM! Mommy got preggo with me! Nine months later, I came into this world. I even remember my parents telling me that I was their greatest joy in the world. "**

"Mommy, Daddy, Preggo…How adorable. She is even sweet and innocent as a child in her writings. " Walter stated as he chuckled.

Pip chuckled and added. "Haha I also find it funny how she keeps using the word "Bam"...She really is a funny kid."

Integra smirked. "I see now. Her father was a police officer. It makes perfect sense why she was police girl to begin with."

"**For eight years, I never been happier. I was living in a dream. I took the simple pleasures of every day for granted. You know, running in through the flock of wild flowers, playing with all the children near by, randomly licking giant rainbow lollipops as I headed down to school. Yup…those were the days.**

**But one of the greatest joys I remember was the family dinners my mommy and daddy had. **

**You see, at the age of six, my daddy got a promotion. He became a lieutenant and was often involved with private investigating missions. Time with my father was very precious since he became very busy and involved with solving cases. **

**At first I admit I was angry with him for always being away from me. But he explained to me being a police officer required a lot of time because he had to save the innocent and try to help others. After he reasoned it with me, I no longer felt anger toward him. No. I now admired my father for doing his job. **

**But one of the good things about him being away a lot was that I had special alone time with my mom. She became a stay at home mom after my father was promoted. **

**After school, I would always come to find the fresh smell of bread, pudding, and chocolate chip cookies waiting for me in the table, greeted with the kindest and warmest smile of my mom, who was always knitting us wool sweaters and scarves. **

**Anyway, back to the dinners. I remember five minutes before seven o clock, my mommy and I would wait by the door to hug my daddy. The moment the clock arrow hit seven, my dad always managed to open the door at that exact same moment…And he would give us his goofiest smile ever and happily bear hug my mother and I tightly to the point we couldn't breathe. We would all then gather in the kitchen and talk about each other's day. **

**As simple as my life was…I was content and never had a worry in the world. **

**That all changed however when I turned nine years old. " **

_SLAM_

Alucard shut the diary book shut, which alarmed everyone.

"Huh? " Walter slightly whined. "Why did you stop?"

Integra muttered. "What is the meaning of this, Alucard?"

"I'm hungry." Alucard dully stated. "I need food now."

"Oh damn it, Mr. Alucard. Can't you wait?" Pip whined loudly. "Just when it was getting good!"

Walter shook his head. "No. He can't. Once he's hungry, he has to have food. He tends to throw a tantrum when he doesn't get his food."

The No Life King smiled. "I could…but I just don't want too. Of course master, You can always give me some of your delicious _virgin_ blood and-"

Integra gave her servant a sour look. "Get your damn blood, you bloody pervert."

**15 minutes later**

"I'm back…" Alucard stated as he carried a huge family sized blue cooler next to his seat.

"What in the HELL!" Pip stated. "You plan to drink all that?"

Walter snickered. "This somehow doesn't surprise me."

Alucard opened the lid and then took out a blood pack and opened the top.

"What? I thought I was being nice here. I didn't want to have to constantly get up to get a blood pack. So I thought a cooler would be an easier solution."

He sipped the blood. "Aww… Type A…for Amazingly Alluring Alucard. "

Integra rolled her eyes. "More like Annoying Atrocious Asshole. Will you just get on with the story?"

"Oh…Feisty tonight aren't we? I like…I like very much. " Alucard grinned and grabbed the diary with one of his hands.

"Hmmm…Where was I?. Ba, Ba, Ba, As _simple as my life was…I was content and never had a worry in the world…_Da, Da, Da-AH! Here we go."

"**That all changed however when I turned nine years old. **

….

**I guess I'm still not ready to even tell let alone write that terrible night about what lead to my parent's death. Maybe I'll write it down the details in a separate chapter later on. For now, let me just say for now that night was the night my world fell apart. **

**After, waking up in a hospital, I woke up to the sight of a doctor, three of my daddy's police friends, two nurses, and a social worker. Apparently the doctor told me that I was treated from a gunshot wound near my stomach. He said I was lucky to even be alive since I lost so much blood. When I asked about my parents…**

**I knew that was a stupid question to ask for a new deep down what happened. I just wanted to believe it was a horrible nightmare or a twisted joke. All I got was silence until my daddy's friends told me that they were now in a better place. **

**I remember losing it right after and remained in the hospital for about two weeks for a wound and was sent into an asylum for suicide watch. I missed my parent's funereal because of this. I remember how deeply saddened I was for not going."**

"Good God…" Walter stated shaking his head. "When I reported her as "missing" in Cheddar village and retrieved her police file, I only read she grew up in an orphanage. I always assumed she never had a family to begin with. "

Integra shook her head. "How terrible. To imagine what she went through. I mean I honestly felt beyond hurt and sad when my father died from his rare illness when I was twelve. I can't even imagine the pain of witnessing and losing your both your parents at the age of nine…"

"Ma Pauvre Belle… Pip muttered giving a depressed look. "How can a innocent sweet girl like her, go through something like that?"

Alucard nodded. "Interesting isn't it? How can a girl like her, despite her misfortunes, is still able to be so kind. Let alone smile widely the way she does?"

Everyone remained quiet and was consumed by a gloomy atmosphere again until Alucard grabbed the diary and continued.

"**After three months of therapy sessions, I was released and was sent to an orphanage by my social worker.**

**All in all, it was an okay orphanage. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't exactly a happy place. All the teachers there were strict there but they didn't hit any of the children. The kids were a different story. They were either all mean, selfish, bratty, or deeply troubled and twisted. **

**I did not even fit in any of those categories there. Not saying I'm a good person or anything. But I knew I wasn't anything like those children. I was for the most part, quiet, obedient, and respected all my teachers. **

**My teachers noted this about me and immediately took a liking to me. Maybe it was because I wasn't like the other children. Or maybe it was pity because I knew all my teachers read my personal files and heard in the news about what had happen to parents. **

**Pretty soon. As more of the teachers liked me and praised me how I was "an ideal student", my wallflower status quickly vanished. I was the now "the brown noser and or the teacher's pet." **

**I was soon the girl either everyone despised or teased. Earning my new status as the model student and center of all jokes convinced me more than ever to remain completely silent to it all. **

**Praise or Ridicule, it didn't matter to me. All I wanted to do was figure out, what was I going to do with my life. What I really wanted to be. I remember I wanted to follow in my mother's footsteps and be a teacher. Although, after some soul-searching realizations, I felt it just wasn't something that suited me. My mother was extremely gentle, warm, and patient. In short the complete opposite of me. I was more of an impatient tomboy who wanted to find a job that would make me into a stronger person and help others in the process. **

**A very long year passed by and I was ten years old when I would get my answer. **

**About three months after I turned ten, there was this new older boy in the orphanage, who would love to bully me. He used to push and trip me anytime he could. He would point, make jokes about me with the other school children and laugh at me. Normally, I would I never reacted his constant harassment. I would simply get up and walk away."**

Integra smiled. "At a girl, Seras. Maturity and wisdom is the way to go. Never let the enemy see your weakness ever in the heat of a battle."

**"One day however I snapped."**

Pip laughed. "I guess you spoke too soon."

Alucard and Walter laughed as Integra snorted as she crossed her arms.

"**The boy came in front of me as usual during lunchtime and I was playing with stuffed elephant that I got from the hospital around a year ago. He came and took it away from me and laughed. For some reason, I would have normally just ignored his constant bullying and let him have his way without showing him any signs of emotion. **

**But the moment he took what was mine away from me, something triggered inside me. I grew tremendously angry as he smugly laughed while he dangled the toy in front of me. I remember looking down and saw a stone near my foot. I remember picking it up and from there…**

**It happened so fast. The only way I can describe it was through instinct, I throw the stone at the boy with unbelievable force. I remember all the school children looked at me with horror in their faces and began to panic as they saw the blood on the older boy's face.**

**I remember I never felt so utterly angry in my entire life. To this day, I still think that was one of the angriest moments I ever had. I made a vow earlier after my parents death, that I would never again allow anyone take what was mine again. And I remember if they would take anything from me, that I would put up a fight. No matter how severe the consequences were.**

**The only thing I remember after that, I was sent into the Headmaster's office. I already imagined I would get the scolding of all life time and probably even be expelled from that orphanage. **

**To my surprise, my headmaster was not angry at all. He was however deeply concerned. He began his speech by telling me, he knew I would have had some kind of breakdown sooner or later which is why he wasn't so shocked to begin with. He did though, explain how he wanted to me to understand that my deed was very bad and that he hopes sudden change of behavior was going to be a long-term thing. **

**I assured him it wasn't and that I did feel guilty about what I done and how I overreacted. Then he warned me should I continue such random and abusive outburst again, that I will be sent away into another place. **

**Oddly enough, I remember calming telling him about what I deeply wanted to do in my life and what was my deepest desire in the world. **

**I told him I wanted to be a Police Officer, just like my father. I told him that I was determined to do anything, to achieve my dream. **

**He was a little flabbergasted at first and then smiled and commented I was a compelling enigma and that he'll allow me to stay. Of course, I had to be punished for my action to set an example for all the other children. **

**I was sentenced to dentition and clean up duty for about one month. Ironically, I enjoyed it and thought this was the greatest punishment ever. I was often alone which made me happy at the time." **

"Psshh Well, all be damned! The Police Girl was quiet the rebel as a child huh?"Alucard commented as he snickered.

"She certainly reminds me of a frisky young pest, from fifty five years ago. Hmm… I wonder who could it be?"

It was Walter's turn to give Alucard the deadpan gaze. "Really Alucard, you shouldn't compare me to Miss Victoria. She wasn't _anything_ like I was when I was a young lad."

"Perhaps you're right, Angel of Death." Alucard replied as he opened up another blood pack. "You were much more horrifying and ruthless back then. It's a shame you became quite the ideal Nancy Boy."

There was moment of sudden electricity that sprung from Walter's head, and he angrily twitched in frustration.

Integra noticing the very threatening yet oddly annoying tension between the two men and she interrupted.

"Settle down now the two of you. You both are behaving like children. You, Alucard, know perfectly well Walter grew up into a fine English Gentleman. And Walter, you should know by now Alucard never grows up and likes to pull people's strings. Now, I command both of you to stop at once."

Pip covered his mouth, trying to hide his laughter, as both former Hellsing partners began to sink into the chair, unhappy Integra scolded them again.

Alucard then took the diary.

"**After my punishment, things changed. Not for the worse, actually for the better. **

**I remember all the children, especially that boy; all feared me and no longer tormented me again. Of course, I was back to being alienated again but I was content. I really didn't want to have anything to do with those children. I remember anytime I went near the playground by the swings, everyone would get off and run away. Normally this would hurt a poor English girl's feelings. I however was so happy for about an entire year, I never had to wait in line to swing. MUHAHAHA " **

Everyone laughed at how Seras considered this a huge victory in her part.

"**Besides that, I was doing even better in school and found myself to be the top student in the orphanage. I was very proud because I knew in being a police officer you had to become very smart and wise. **

**Soon, weeks became months, months, became years and then I found myself finally turning thirteen and then BAM…It happened. **

**My first period." **

Pip and Walter turned pure scarlet and then coughed nervously. Integra sighed in sympathy. "Ah…Yes. The period. The annoying mark of woman hood."

"Sh-Sh-Should we-" Pip stuttered as he felt his voice crack. "Should we…even read this part? I mean it is personal a-a-and…"

Walter agreed. "Y-y-yes. Sir Integra. I beg of you. Maybe we should skip this part and-"

"NO. I said, to NOT leave a BLOODY WORD OUT" Integra defensively answered.

Alucard went into hysterics as he laughed at Integra's pun response.

She snorted as she rested one of her arms in the table. "Pfft. You men think you have it so hard! You think listening at a girl's menstrual cycle is bad? Try going through it. Really, you all are a bunch of sissies."

"**I remember how terrified I was when I got it. At first, I thought I was peeing out blood and then thought I was dying at the moment. I panicked and before telling anyone, I went to write a letter. Then I told one of the female teachers and gave her the letter. She started crying from laughter and said I was not dying so I could keep my will. She then explained to me about the menstrual cycle, what physical changes I will experience, and she gave me "the talk". **

**I remember I never felt so embarrassed and disgusted in my entire life. " **

No longer feeling revolted, the fabulous fearsome foursome, laughed for about five minutes at Seras's innocence.

"**It was so embarrassing when I received a brochures by one of my teachers on what to expect during these monthly surprises. The worst was the visual and how to instructions on how to put on a pad or tampon. I remember vowing I would never wear a bloody tampon and stick with the skinny horizontal diaper of death." **

Pip and Walter shuddered at the vivid description and received a "Don't you even think about opening your traps," glare and both tightened their mouths shut.

"**It gets worse. Remember the physical changes my teacher warned me about. Well, let me give you a before and description of my body. Before I was a pretty normal weight kid. I wasn't skinny but I wasn't fat. Perhaps a bit pudgy but not overweight. As for my other assets, they can only be described in three words. Flat. Flat. Flat. I mean I was FLAAAAAATTTTT. I was WAY flatter than the present Sir Integra." **

Alucard hollered with laughter while Integra twitched in anger. "What the-HOW DARE SHE-Good God, she is so getting week's pay docked from her paycheck!"

Pip bite his lip trying not to laugh at the Mignonette's comparison while Walter was crying and resisting the urge to laugh along with Alucard.

The iron maiden slightly blushed and yelled at the three men. "SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! JUST GO ON! "

"**Then Suddenly After five months after my first monthly bill came…BAM! Not only did I noticed my ass took shape but my breasts...Good Lord. I wanted to cry. I know most girls wanted huge knockers for reasons beyond my comprehension. But for me, I just never really thought about breasts and stuff. I wanted to be a cop. Not a typical teenage trashy tart.**

**But they didn't automatically grow to the size they are now. It started off as a C cup size when I was thirteen. By age fifteen, they became a size D, by age seventeen I became a size Double D and remained that way since. **

**This was such a curse. Really. You don't even know how much my back suffered when I was human carrying that amount of weight in my front size. Honestly, I'm amazed how I didn't tilt in front. I remember how I longed to get breast reduction and promised myself I would in the future." **

Alucard simply laughed. "Haha An innocent soul trapped in a booby goddess body…A terrible curse indeed."

Pip gave a pervy smile as he imagined Seras's assets. "Hmmf, Curse? The girl doesn't realize that besides being born with a beautiful face, she was also granted a body that any man would desire. Honestly Mignonette, if anything, this is a pure blessing from the big man upstairs."

Integra shook her head. "Bloody pervert."

Walter slightly turned red as he too recalled seeing Seras's body and secretly agreed with Pip but remained quiet.

"**Anyway, back to the story. Three years after my changes, I was ahead of my class and skipped two grade levels and graduated at the age of sixteen. I remember my headmaster writing a letter of recommendation to add with my application for the London Police Academy. The very same one my father attended. Within a week, I was called for an interview, told them about the reasons I wanted to be a police officer. The moment they realized how my father was (and the tragedy of his death), they accepted me at the spot. I remember how truly happy that things for the first time, were looking up."**

**Soon, I was all moved into the academy and immediately was the center of discussion since I was the youngest female recruit ever to have attended. Three more years have passed and by age of nineteen I graduated the police academy. After three long years of studying hard and I was now an official London Police Officer. It's funny to think how this graduation happened about three months ago. It's all pretty funny how after finally achieving my dream, it would be finally taken away on the night in Cheddar Village. "**

Pip's eyes widened. "Three months ago? She barely graduated."

"Poor girl." Integra said as all her anger at her recruit's comment about her suddenly vanished. "I can't believe this girl has gone through so much misfortunes in her life."

Walter nodded. "Miss Victoria did have such a rough life."

"I agree…BUT!" The No Life King happily stated. "There is a happy ending to her miserable life!"

Suddenly the air changed into a menacing one, as the No Life King saw his master's face flash in anger. "You Bastard!"

"**So, I know what you're thinking. Why the HELL did you name this mini prologue:**

_**Memento Mori-Always remember your mortality. **_

**Well, It's simple. I know even though I am a vampire (Which I'll explain in the next chapter). Even though, I am no longer human. I still will always remember the mortality. My own mortality.**

**I swore to myself as a human to never let anyone or anything change who I am after my parent's death. I promised my self to always remember never to give up no matter what. I promised myself despite what life throws at you, to always keep on walking. **

**I may not be human, but I am not dead. I am in a sense caught in between living and dying. However, you look at it, one fact remains. Even if I am destined to be a vampire for all eternity, I will never forget who I am. I will always remember my mortality. My humanity. **

**I won't let anyone, even my own master, take that away from me."**

"And it ends here." Alucard stated proudly. "What did I tell you Walter? She is much more interesting than she appears."

Walter chuckled. "I know, I know. The girl is truly an extraordinary woman. Deeper than I thought."

"Of course." Integra smirked. "She is a member of Hellsing. She may be soft but she isn't weak. That's why I keep her around."

Pip smiled. "Oh shit! …Damn, I think I like this girl more than ever. I knew she would be my one weakness. "

Alucard smiled as he began to turn the page until his master grabbed her gun, and shot her servant's hand. Before the bullet could enter his hand, he threw the diary in the air; Integra lazily lifted reached for the diary, and grabbed it.

"I believe earlier I said I was the second to read." Integra snickered. "Unless anyone objects to the idea."

At this point the iron maiden's glasses flashed in an instant, making all the men (even Alucard) slightly whimpered at her scowl.

She smirked. _"_Alright then. Let's begin."

"_**Chapter 1: Choices."**_

To be continued.

**Note: Hope you guys like it. Just warning you I know it was kinda of slow and sad in the beginning but I do try to add the funny/crack in here. XD**

**I promise the upcoming chapters won't be so sad.**

**This was supposed to be kind of an understanding of Seras's life before she was human. Anyway, Hope you guys like it! :D **


	3. Chapter 1: Choices

_**Opening Note: ****_ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WAITING A LONG TIME FOR THIS! I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON AND I AM GONNA TRY TO WRITE SERAS SECRET DIARY ENTRY ONE ONCE A MONTH NOW._I just wanted to let you guys know what will be happening. The Bold writing will mean the Seras's written entries. I also wanted to tell you the order of who will be reading. First is Alucard, than Integra, than Pip and than Walter.**_

Integra smirked as she saw all her pathetic man quivering at her glare. "Alright then. Let's begin."

_**"Chapter 1: Choices**_

**I still can't believe that I, Seras Victoria, am a vampire. I get the willies just thinking about how I am pretty much an animated walking corpse. **

**The worst part is that I have no one to blame but myself for this. I made the choice. That's right. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.**

**So what lead up to my bloody (no pun intended) fate. Well, we have to go about a week before I met my master."**

Alucard snickered. "So sad, the police girl doesn't want to skip straight to the good part but I guess she's just saving the best part for last.

"Best Part?" Pip asked as he scratched his head.

Walter fixed his monocle as he replied. " He's referring to her death."

"Oh…" Pip stated for a second until he suddenly grew angry. "OYE! HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT THE GOOD PART?"

"You see my perverted freckled Frenchman, it's good for me. I mean not it's not everyday I get to drink one hundred percent fresh virigin blood from a young lady. This type of blood is a very rare treat indeed. " Alucard stated as sipped on a new blood pack.

Integra gave the men a death glare and announced. "Are you all done chatting? "

Alucard gave his master a toothy grin and she muttered a curse word under her breath and continued.

"**Remember how I said I barely graduated three months ago from the Police Academy and transferred into the London Police? Well, for three months I can honestly say I was never happier.**

**Sure there were the occasional teases and dirty jokes among the policemen about like the "Penial" code and "I had the right to remain sexy" and who can forget the infamous nickname I was given on the first day: Kitten. **

**But they all respected me and they were even kind enough to always watch my back. I even made two friends there, Simon and Eddie. **

**Those two were best friends since they were children and were inseparable despite their opposite personalities. They came up to me the minute I stepped foot into the police station and we pretty close buddies for three months which made me happy since I considered them my first real friends. **

**Anyway, back to the story. A week before, I heard from one of the lieutenants that there's been too many "Missing People's Reports" all over a certain town called Cheddar Village. The Cheddar Village Police Station were overloaded with work and wired our lieutenant for some help with these cases. **

**At first Simon and Eddie suggested that maybe the missing people were just some kind of religious group cult that wanted to gain attention or something stupid like that. **

**I can't say I'm physic or anything cause I'm not. Yet, I remember having a really bad feeling the moment I heard about all those missing people's reports. It just didn't sound right.**

**Apparently, my negative feelings were only about to get worse. **

**About six days later, I came to work late (since it was my turn to bring in donuts and coffee for everyone), I was greeted with narrowed and gloomy gazes. **

**I'm not gonna lie. **

**I was panicking on the inside. I thought everyone might have found that little doodle I drew of Matthew Collins, some middle aged grumpy man who is the boss's secretary but he sometimes thinks he's second in command.**

**Fortunately they never found it since I remembered I had it in my other notebook. (If they did, I would have been sent to Janitor duty for a week. And let me tell you I have fought zombies for about three months and their smell is NOTHING compared to that ungodly bathroom in the police station. YUCK.) "**

"I know what she means…" Walter interrupted as he shuddered at remembering his fifty-four years of cleaning up the foul smells in all the Hellsing Military Men's bathrooms.

Pip nodded. "Very true. Actually before I became a mercenary, I worked in a restaurant as a teenager in France in some low down Café. Oye Merdi! Let me tell you, I have cleaned things that I did not even think was possible to come out of a human ass…What's worse I only cleaned out the Women's bathroom and I do not EVEN want to know what the Men's bathroom looked like. So being the noble man that I am, I ran out of that café and quit on my first day on the job."

Integra gave Pip a very confused and slightly disturbed look while Alucard snorted in disgust. "Humans are so disgusting. Eating their putrid human food and then shitting their guts out to no end makes me want eat my vomit and vomit the vomit and-"

"DAMN IT ALUCARD, THERE'S NO NEED TO GO ON ANY FURTHER! " Integra shouted as she covered her face with one hand trying to get that mental picture of her head.

"What? I am only saying that you lots are a bunch of whiners. Back in my day, which was like over five hundred years ago, we had no plumbing systems. The World was our toilet." Alucard stated as he causally twirled his index finger and continued.

"Shit in the side walks, Shit in the forests, Shit in the alley ways, even shitting in the shit. I mean the whole ground was filled with shit. Only the rich had buckets to shit on and even then, they threw their shitty shits outside the shitty window to the shitty ground. The very same ground where the vegetables grew, which the animals ate from, which the humans kill and eat from and thus repeating this never ending shitty cycle. Just shitting the shit shit shit-"

"WE GET IT!" Integra and Pip said in unison while Walter looked slightly green and he was going to puke then and there.

Alucard laughed. "I'm so SORRY. Let's get on with the story shall we?"

Integra gave him a dirty look as she grabbed the book from the table and continued.

"**Unfortunately however, we had some bad news in our morning meeting. To all our horror, one of the policemen in Cheddar Village reported they found thirty bodies under some abandoned ditch near the outskirts of the village. **

**The worst part was when we were told about another forty M.P.R.'s were recently reported. In short, seventy people were missing total, thirty were killed, and forty were still missing. **

**It was official. A sadistic serial killer was on the loose. **

**After the meeting, our captain and lieutenant immediately began sending their top twenty investigators and policemen to Cheddar Village into two equal teams. The rest of us were all to sit and wait unless we were called. **

**Meanwhile Simon, Eddie, and I were in charge of organizing the M.P.R.'s in two separate piles: "The Still Missing" piles and "The Body Found" piles. After that, we all had to divide up the "Body Found" piles equally and separately we had to go tell each of their family the horrible news. **

**The people in my list were mostly parents…ironically. Five fathers and Five mothers. It broke my heart telling the families that their loved ones were found dead. It broke my heart watching the husband and wife along with their children all broke down in tears together. **

**I wanted to tell them that I shared their pain. That I knew what was it like to lose a father and a mother. I wanted to tell them the personal hell I went through. **

**But instead, all I could do was watch them because at that moment I knew that despite losing one parent, they still had the other and they'll find a way to go through the pain…together. Something I never had. But at least I am glad these little ones still had one parent to rely on. They will never have to experience the horrors of being on your own out in the world or endure harsh struggles in an orphanage. " **

A muffled sniffle suddenly alarmed Integra and she looked at Pip Bernadotte looking away.

"Captain Bernadotte? Are you crying?" The iron maiden asked wide eyed.

"NO!" Pip replied harshly as he rubbed his watery eye. "Just got some cigarette ash in my eye. That's all."

Alucard gave a devilish smile. "But you weren't smoking."

Walter chuckled at a pissed off Pip and sighed. " I don't blame you Captain Bernadotte. It's kind of sad learning all these things about her. We normally don't see this side of her at all. Just her overly playful and sweet side."

Integra gave a sorrowful look before she continued.

"**When I was finished and expecting to go back to my apartment to just sleep the dreadful day away, I run into Eddie and Simon who were both looking for me because we and along with other new recruits were summoned for an urgent meeting. **

**Remember that search team the top twenty investigators that were separated into two equal teams and sent to Cheddar Village? Cheddar Village phoned us some terrifying news. All the members of the teams had on cellular phones just in case of emergency. The two teams arrived in Cheddar Village Police Station, gave them an extra phone so they can inform them what was going every few hours. **

**Not one phone call was made in the entire day. At first, The Cheddar Police thought maybe there was just bad reception. But towards twilight the phone rang. When one of the police members answered all what could be heard were bloodcurdling screams and screeching in the background as gunshots fired amongst the background. Then faintly you can hear a somewhat sadistic laughter s well as numbers of slow and gentle moaning right before the phone went dead. **

**Immediately everyone in the police station were in a state of shock. Our Captain was now convinced it was a bunch of very skilled and mentally ill serial killers on the loose. Our mission for the recruits now was to prepare and to head down to Cheddar Village after sunset tomorrow night. **

**I remember returning to my apartment that night not believing what was happening. It was like some horrible nightmare. I was waiting for someone from work to say this was some sick prank and it was all just a joke. **

**The knot in my stomach was the only thing that was telling me that this was real and that whatever I was going to encounter tomorrow will most likely change my life forever. **

**Boy was I ever right.**

**I remember I woke up early in the morning, taking a long shower, and slowly changing into a pink coat that I bought not to long ago along with some solid black tights and warm gray boots. **

**That morning I walked down the street, passing by the local shops, greeting the kind baker and his wife who took a liking to me when I came to the city. They always gave me free of the freshly made goods everyday since they thought I was sweet and adorable and said they thought of me as the daughter they never had. I remember how they gave me that day my favorite treat: fresh homemade sweet sticky buns that melt in your mouth. Yummy. **

**As I was walking by eating one of treats slowly that morning, I noticed how I had the urge to go to the park and smell the fresh pine tress. I remember sitting at the bench in the park watching the little pond that glittered as the ripples swished and swirled in motion. I also remember watching all the happy families that were spending time together, laughing, and smiling at whatever silly joke was said. **

**I also remember as I got up after eating, how beautiful the sky looked. It wasn't the usual grayish color but a sparkly blue color. Huge and cotton candy white clouds were surrounding the sky as the sun illuminated it's soft warm rays at me. I remember walking with my eyes closed absorbing the warmth and felt at ease for a moment. **

**Then I knew somehow whatever what was going to happen tonight in the mission that somehow I'll make it through. That I wouldn't leave the life I was living behind…that somehow, despite the past, I will try to finally get the happy life that I always wanted. " **

Integra sighed. "So sad how she remembers that her last day in the daytime so well."

All the men nodded and she continued. 

"**But I didn't make it through…**

**He murdered all my comrades, he murdered Simon and Eddie, he murdered all those innocent people who had people who cared for them and then the ghouls attacked the last police he was after me. **

**No matter how fast I ran, or no matter how many times I shot that damn vampire priest, he kept on chasing..."playing"... with me. He kept laughing amongst the forest in that pitch-black sky that night. **

**The only thing that kept helping me move forward was the full moon that night. I thought if somehow I could follow that source of light, then maybe all hope wasn't lost.**

**I remember the minute I escaped the forest into an abandoned clearing that was when all hell broke loose. **

**The ghouls were surrounding me. They were swarming by the numbers. The priest appeared and glided every direction and then suddenly appeared in front of me. He gave me a dirty disgusting grin as he began to taunt me about how he was going to have his way with me while inappropriately touching me. I mean he was practically laughing as she squeezed the life out of one my boobs…talk about copping a feel in a whole new level…That bloody pervert. I would not mind seeing him alive again only to kill him myself." **

"THAT BASTARD!" Pip hollered in anger.

Alucard raised his eyebrow. "Why so upset?"

Pip looked at him in disbelief. "Why? WHY? What kind of sick fuck does that to a poor woman? Let alone to a poor girl like our Mignonette?"

"I agree but I think you're pissed because even a priest touched her boobs and you can't even stand three feet close to her without getting punched."

Walter and Integra stared a blushing Pip who slumped back down.

"I may be a pig but I am no sick fuck like him. I would never force a woman to do anything she didn't like."

Integra smiled at Pip. "Very noble of you."

"Pfftt. Noble pervs…Yeah right." Alucard muttered as Walter laughed. "No need to pay attention to him Captain Bernadotte."

Pip shrugged. "I have my own "Bernadotte charm" but I wish I had that gentlemen thing like you Walter. Women love that in a man."

Alucard shrieked with laughter. "Him? Gentleman? Well he is now but you should have seen this man in his youth. Damn, he had his way with so many women I'm pretty sure half the Sexual Diseases out there were caused by him-"

"ALCUARD! " Integra shouted as she covered her eyes. "I REALLY don't want to hear about Walter's…love life in his youth. Please. This is terribly wrong. He's like a second father to me. Enough now!"

Walter was slightly pink as he adjusted his tie to let out air. "Sir…If you please."

He gestured for the book and she quickly grabbed it, shaking the disturbing thought of Walter being sexually active.

"**At this point I didn't have the strength to fight him. I even shot his face to see if I was able to escape…It did a lot of damage but the second he healed from that wound, I knew for sure I was a goner.**

**He then kept whispering at me how he was going to enjoy ravishing and killing me. **

**In that moment I remember how badly I realized that this was it. Tonight I was going to die. That this is how it was going to end for me. To die in arms of a sick bastard who was going to do all the things like those criminals had done with my parents. **

**The only difference was when I was gone; no one was going to miss me. I thought for a second it was all for the best. I was going to die a slow death, but at least my suffering will end. That maybe this was my destined fate to die. If I was going to die, I would die honorably and with a peaceful state of mind that I knew I at least tried to live. **

**I was in position to attack since the priest had my arms behind my back and my legs were exhausted from the running. So I did the next best thing. **

**I screamed. I screamed so loud. Hoping…Praying…That Someone…Anyone would hear me. I knew it would probably be to late for anyone to save me but I hoped someone would be able to stop and kill this priest. **

**Little did I know, that for once in a really long time, my prayers were answered quickly. **

**He was an extremely tall man. One of the tallest men I have ever seen. He had the most unusual red outfit. He casually walked into the scene with smirk on his face. I remember he wore those gleaming orange glassed and that choppy mid length hair. **

**My future Master…Alucard. **

Alucard happily clapped. "I made it! My first appearance!"

"No shit, Sherlock." Integra said as she threw her cigar at him to calm him down.

Walter chuckled. "Good timing as always."

"I know…" Pip stated laughing. "How does he do it? "

Integra shook her head. "Please don't encourage him. He'll only get an ego boost if you praise him for his abilities."

Alucard snickered. "I couldn't tell you even if I wanted too. It's vampire thing. I believe the best way I could explain it is our senses our way powerful than any creature on earth."

He then pointed at Walter. "I know he has some idea of it. After all, he's been a vampire hunter when he was teenager. He's the only human who has ever come close to being to understand what it means to walk among the dead."

Walter beamed. "It pleases me to here you say that."

"Too bad, he's getting old and losing half his memory and I'm sure he's not even sure what's happening this very moment. But he's alive still so that's all that matters, right? " The No Life King dryly stated as he gave a bored expression.

The Angel of Death immediately gave him quick glare at his back handed compliment. Pip tried to suppress his laughter and immediately switched to choking while Integra pressed her lips in anger.

"ALUCARD! APOLOGIZE TO WALTER RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

Walter smiled sweetly to his master as she slammed the table. "HE CAN'T HELP IT IF HE'S AN AGING HUMAN! WITH THAT KIND OF HONOR COMES SACRIFICES LIKE WRINKLES, LOSE OF HAIR, BACK PAINS, AND ESPECIALLY EATTING MORE DRIED PLUMS IN ORDER TO USE THE BATHROOM PROPERLY! "

The Hellsing Butler turned scarlet and then buried his face in his gloved hands. Clearly all they saw in him was a helpless geezer.

"Sir Integra…Why don't you just keep on reading huh?" Walter whispered as he refused to look up at anyone.

"Huh? Oh right." She said as she turned to the right page.

"**I looked directly at him, hoping he was going to save me, or more importantly to at least kill this monster. **

**To my shock however, I realized he was no ordinary human either. Then among the conversation the two men had, I realized that this man was a vampire too. **

**I felt like a sense of dread. All of a sudden he asked me the strangest question of all. **

"**Are you a Virgin?" **

**I remember thinking was this guy seriously asking me this question. Not a "are you okay?" or "don't move" or "Everything is going to be okay." He just asked me if I was a virgin. What. The. Hell. **

**Is this guy being serious? First I get freakin molested by some forty five year old dead man and now I have this lanky dude (who I admit has some undeniable kickass steam punk outfit) who was asking me if I was pure? Now I was scared if that if this dude would kill the pervy priest if he was planning to rape and kill me too. " **

"**The priest began shaking and called my master a bastard and then he now shouted the question to me. I nodded and stuttered yes and then…**

**BAM**

**That was all it took. One shot. One perfect shot. To kill the priest instantly. The same shot that pierced one of my lungs. **

**The smell of blood awoke me from the shock of what just happened. The pain was too much. I shivered as I realized I could feel the blood draining all over my body. **

**I knew I was dying. I thought that if the priest died I would be happy. I wasn't. I remember how devastated I was because I never realized how much I wanted to live. I began regretting all the bad things I did in my life and how I took the simple in pleasures for life for granted. **

**My master was walking towards me and knelt down me. He apologized about shooting me and how I was quickly dying. I looked at him and knew despite the emotionless look on his face, the way he expressed his apology was genuine and I wanted to tell him I never blamed him for doing what he did. **

**He then said something else. He said. "The Choice was mine. What did I want to do? " **

**At first I didn't understand what he meant. **

**But then…My whole life flashed before me, The good and the bad. I realized now that my true wish. I didn't want to die. I wanted more than anything to live a happily life. To honor my parents and to defend the innocent from people like this. **

**Than I knew in an instant: He was asking me if I wanted to die as a human or to live like a vampire.**

**I remember making the choice that I wasn't going to give up. I still had so many things in this world I had to do and I knew deep in my heart, I just didn't want my life to end miserably like this. **

**Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I was losing too much blood and I didn't want to force myself too much. All I could do was lift my blood stained hand to reach out to his perfectly large white one. **

**I knew that somehow I was going to be okay. That this man would save me somehow and I began to feel at ease. **

**Then I closed my eyes and everything turned black. **

Integra closed her eyes. "That was the end of that chapter."

"She was so delicious." Alucard loudly groaned as he licked his lips. "Best meal I had in a while. One hundred percent virgin blood. Better than any wine in the world."

Walter shook his head. "Alucard really."

Integra nodded. " I know, You talk as if Seras is a living and breathing blood pack."

"ALRIGHT! IT'S MY TURN!" Pip stated as he took the book from Integra's side of the desk as he leaned back in the chair.

"This will be pretty awkward because of my accent but I think it'll be interesting, no?" Pip asked as he laughed.

"Yeah, Yeah. Just Shut up and read!" The No Life eagerly stated. "I'm the first one she's going to talk about."

Pip rolled his eyes. "And I thought I had a big ego…Alright, Alright."

He smiled as he read aloud.

" _**Chapter **__**2: Master Alucard. "**_

_**Note: Thank you for the reviewers. Let answer a few questions from the reviewers. **_

_**kitten: Alucard in this fanfic won't be paired up with anyone. I'm just implying that he loves to flirt Integra since it pisses her off. XD **_


	4. Chapter 2: Alucard

**Note: Thank you everyone so much again for the reviews. Wow! I didn't expect to get such positive, let alone this much reactions! Thank you everyone. You're all awesome ^^**

**Just wanted to remind everyone I am very busy with school and life and I am trying so hard to finish up some fanfics. Just know, no matter how long I don't update, I am not dead or not gonna give up on the fanfics. (It just that I am usually piled with too much essays and homework) ;~~~; **

**Anyway, thanks everyone. Hope you enjoy the chapter the many that will come. ^^ **

**Just note that Hellsing does take place in 1999. I am saying this because I will be making some future fandom references here and throughout this fanfic. XD **

"She was so delicious." Alucard loudly groaned as he licked his lips.

"Yeah, Yeah. Just Shut up and read!" The No Life eagerly stated. "I'm the first one she's going to talk about."

Pip rolled his eyes. "And I thought I had a big ego…Alright, Alright."

He smiled as he read aloud.

" _**Chapter 2: Master Alucard. **_

_**Now rather than writing about what happened after I blacked out and woke up in the Hellsing Mansion and stuff, In this semi short chapter, I'm going to just talk about my master Alucard. I'm focusing on who Alucard really is as a person. As a being." **_

Integra raised her eyebrows and smirked. "Who Alucard really is? She certainly believes she has you figured out, huh?"

"It seems that she is confident as well." Walter added, smiling.

Alucard snickers. "We shall see."

"_**Let me first off say that Alucard is a vampire. Not just any vampire but literally THE KING OF THE VAMPIRES. I didn't know this at first. However it took me two weeks to realize what Alucard really meant." **_

Pip lifted his gaze from the book and furrowed his eyebrows. "What is she talking about? "

Walter and Integra chuckled at not only Pip's question but the fact it took Seras two weeks to realize what Alucard stood for.

"What?" Pip asked again, slightly annoyed.

Alucard snickered. "Lay off Pip. It's not his fault he's so stupid."

"Ah! You Asshole!" Pip snarled, as Walter began writing down something in a piece of paper and pen and shoved it in front of Pip.

"Alucard?" Pip read aloud as he shrugged. "I still don't get it."

Walter smiled. "Read it backwards Pip."

Pip raised his eyebrows and then read it slowly. "Drac-Lu-Aye."

"It's pronounced AH not Aye." Alucard replied in disgust. "How you became Captain of the Wild Geese, I'll never know. Unless of course, all your soldiers don't know how to read."

The young freckled Mercenary turned bright red. "I'll have you know the Bernadotte family have been mercenaries for six generations. SIX!"

The No Life King shrugged casually. "Only six? I have been alive for more than five hundred years. What's your point?"

"My point is that-" But before Pip could finish, a mix expression of shock and horror was plastered.

Integra raised her eyebrows. "Captain Bernadotte?"

"Are you alright?" Walter asked, as he then looked at Alucard's grin spreading.

Pip then screamed as he pointed directly at Alucard. "Y-Y-YOU'RE…Y-Y-YOU'RE-"

"Say it." Alucard commanded in hushed creepy tone as he got up closer to Pip. "Say it."

"D-D-Dr-" Pip started as Integra slammed her fist into the table.

"I'm going to have to stop you both right now." Integra started as she glared at the two. "This conversation for some reason is giving me the vibe that this specific line will be used in the future in some revolting, positively ghastly, and not to mention poor excuse of a bad "Romance" novel and eventually turned into film in the Americas, AND I WILL NOT be subjected to hear it again as long as I live. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD GENTELEMEN?"

Both Alucard and Pip shook their heads quickly and sat back down in their seats.

Walter furrowed his eyebrows and then questioned. " What makes you think that line Captain Pip and Sir Alucard just used right now will be used in the future, Sir Integra?"

Integra shrugged. " I don't know but I just got a feeling this novel will be about a truly pathetic love story between a human and an unnatural being. Then again, it's just a feeling. It doesn't necessarily mean it's going to happen. If so, I will make sure my servant will end the fandom and its maker before it get's any worse. I mean, It's not like Alucard's going to vanish or disappear from the face of the earth anytime soon or some nonsense like that."

Walter stared at her, then quickly nodded, and then looked at the two men. "Sir Integra, the diary?"

"What? Ah, Yes." The Iron Maiden interrupted as she waved her hand. "Continue, Captain Bernadotte."

"_**Dracula DRACULA! What. The. Hell. Out of all the people, WHAT WERE THE CHANCES THAT I, PLAIN SERAS VICTORIA, WAS TO MEET THE KING OF ALL VAMPIRES?. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful and all, but looking back now I still don't understand if it was fate or mere coincidence that I met Alucard.**_

_**Anywho, back to my point. I'm focusing on who Alucard really is as a person. So, you must be asking: What do I think of my master- "**_

"Moment of Truth! Here it comes!" Alucard uttered in excitement as he took a sip of his blood.

"_**What do I think of my master Alucard? He's an ass. A complete and utter ass." **_

At that moment the no life king spat out his blood and choked on it a little while Integra, Pip, and Walter (Especially Walter), hollered with laughter.

"HAHAHA AN ASS, AN UTTER COMPLETE ASS." Integra repeated as she wept the tears that were coming from her face. "Oh I'm not only going to give her back her weeks pay, but she is SO going to get a bonus for this!"

Pip snickered. "I love the fact Alucard thought she was going to say something amazing about him."

Meanwhile the No Life King sat there flabbergasted for a moment and then returned to his usual impassive look.

Everyone stared at him wide eyed as he didn't throw a fit. They expected shadows to appear, swirling out of control, while his eyes blaze with anger, as he shouted obscenities and promising to make his servant's life a living hell. However, they were just granted silence, which somehow, seemed a little worse.

Then No Life King hollered with laughter. He began to throw his head back as he roared with booming laughter that made Pip almost want to pee his pants, Walter for once was glad that he was having one of his deaf moments, and Integra was just flat out confused.

Integra raised her eyebrow. "Alucard?...Are you-"

"Seras Victoria? Is this my Seras Victoria? The same one who blushes and cowers at my presence? No. This can't be right!" The Nosferatu started as he breathed in. "I never knew there was this edgy side to her! "

Walter meanwhile was grinning to the point Pip swore he saw a hint of sparkle in his dark periwinkle eyes.

Pip laughed nervously. "Walter you look almost happy."

Walter immediately scrunched up his lips but his eyes still sparkled. "No. Why would I smile at the fact that Seras would call her master such a thing?"

Pip gave him a deadpan gaze since it was clear the butler was thrilled at the idea the young Draculina disrespected her master. Question was why?

"Read on." Alucard stated as he wiped the bloody tears from his face. "I want to know more. I have to know how she truly views me. Man I really like THIS side of the police girl. Fiesty...I really like my women filled with hidden sass. Right Integra? "

Integra rolled her eyes as Pip and lifted the book to read again.

"_**What do I think of my master Alucard? He's an ass. A complete and utter ass. **_

_**Now I know what you're thinking. What the hell? Is this how you should express the man who saved your life. Well to be more precise, he stole my life but at my request. But I don't want to get to literal because you get my point. **_

_**But as I got to know him, He wasn't the soft-spoken man whom I met that night. Don't get me wrong. I didn't think he was like my prince charming or knight in shining armor or any of that fairytale crap. But at least I thought he was quiet and overall gentlemen. **_

_**The Hell was wrong with me? He was so far from that. **_

_**After I was brought to Hellsing, I truly saw the twisted, rude, and not to mention to what I call a hidden perv this man truly was. I will explain the "hidden perv part" in my next chapter because, I found this out in the first night when I came to Hellsing. **_

_**Also sometimes he will smirk, drink a glass of wine (I thought we don't consume human things anymore!) and will laugh to himself for no freakin reason! **_

_**It took me two weeks to stop shivering in my coffin from fright at his laugh. **_

_**Let's just focus on the twisted and rude part. **_

_**You would think I would learn that night, if the man who saved my life by asking me if I was virgin, shot me in the chest, and then killed the vampire priest, would give me a hint that something was off about my master. **_

_**But course, being the daft person that I am, I didn't put two and two together. I had to learn the hard way. **_

_**Now, I don't want to sound like a whiny victim or anything but there's just so much of my master's constant nagging I can take. **_

_**Every. Bloody. Day. I get harassed, scolded, or my personal favorite: Those long speeches segments I like to call, "I CHOOSE THE NIGHT, BLAH BLAH BLAH IT WAS MY CHOICE TO BE THIS WAY, BLAH BLAH BLAH, FOLLOWED BY I SHOULD LET GO OF MY HUMANITY… and with that big finish NO TIME FOR WHINING OR BE A COWARD. **_

…

_**Excuse, the FUCK out of me!**_

_**It's been like what? Five months. Five months! I don't know if he totally gets it, but I have been 19 years old for most of my life. **_

_**Then, I became a vampire Five months ago and he wants me to adjust?**_

_**Doesn't he know you can't wake up in the morning (or night in this case) and be like "Hi Everybody! I'm now a vampire and I'm truly alright with that. Let's go drink some blood!"**_

_**No. It's impossible. **_

_**I'll admit, I guess poser Goth chicks would be so into it. But I am not one of them. **_

_**I understand that I choose this life, but to be fair, I was on the floor in my own pool of blood and had to make a fast decision. I didn't want to die but I how the hell was I supposed to know that I would be turn into a creature of the night. **_

_**Do you wanna know what I truly thought that night when I grabbed my master's hand? I thought I was going to be healed. I truly thought that somehow he was like a magical genies or a wizard. Clearly I was wrong and a little silly for believing the giant man wearing red Victorian/Modern like style clothing who happened to be holding a gun, was a either a wizard, a genie, or a fairy.**_

_**Sometimes my own stupidity amazes me. " **_

" A fairy!" Pip started as he laughed. "Alucard, a fuckin fairy. Hahaha Oh man, I truly feel bad for her now!"

Integra lightly chuckled. "Honestly, was the Police Girl angry when she wrote this?"

Walter only grinned was too happy for words. He was in a love drunk state knowing that even Alucard's own servant had some hidden issues with her master. He was more happy at the fact, she (like him) sees the flaws in Alucard and was impressed by this side of Seras and practically sighed sadly how he wish he was young and would somehow declare his new crush for Seras.

The No Life sat there with an expressionless as he cupped his hands together, letting his thumbs twist around. Everyone just stared at him, a little frightened oat the fact he hasn't said anything for a while.

After a few moments of awkward silence, The Count muttered to Pip. "Please continue."

Not asking twice, Pip gulped and then began.

"_**But if that wasn't pissing me off enough, let me talk about the two subjects that tick me off about Master. **_

_**First off: My Coffins**_

_**If I had known I would have to sleep in a coffin-**_

_**No. Let me stop right there. Let's play a little game called "Compare the Unfair!" **_

_**Alucard has a big and kick ass coffin that is sturdy, well polished, expensive looking, and inside it has soft as a kitten red cushion inside with pretty design patterns. Not to mention a badass expensive looking inscription I don't know what the bloody HELL that means. **_

_"The Bird of Hermes Is My Name, Eating My Wings To Make Me Tame."_

_**You wanna know what I sleep in? A bloody wooden box. It's barely large enough to fit me. It has no soft cushion support what so ever. And the cherry on top of it, instead of having a cool inscription, I get a huge ass cross. **_

_**First off, I don't know who the hell picked this for me, but do I, in anyway resemble a religious fanatic? Because I don't remember ever expressing my love for crosses at all to Walter, Integra, and my Master. Do I come off as Alexander Anderson or an Iscariot and or Vatican member what so ever? (I'll explain in full detail Alexander Anderson and the Iscariot /Vaticans later in the chapters. But they are the most insanely violent religious Catholics I have ever encountered in my whole life.)**_

_**Why can't I have a coffin that looks like my master's, only it would be Dark brown on the outside, baby pink soft cushion in the inside, and has a inscription that says. **_

_"Seras Victoria is my Name, and my new dead life is bloody lame. "_

_**Is that so much to ask? But no. I get a box of splinters and a big ass cross. Yay Me! -_- "**_

_**It's okay though. I get back in my master in ways he doesn't even know about. **_

_**How? Well, sometimes, when Master is off in solo missions or escorts Integra to a mission, I confess, I straight out sneak into his coffin and lay there in comfort. And you know what? I sometimes take a nap in there when I'm pissed at him. Of course, I bring in a blanket to cover the cushy part so my scent won't linger in the coffin. " **_

"Oh dear... She didn't…I can't believe she did!" Walter started in disbelief. "She sneaks into Sir Alucard's room?"

Integra at this point was chuckling and wiping the tears from her eyes. "AND she sleeps in his coffin. Come to think of it, The police girl does have a point about the coffin."

"What do you mean?" Pip asked.

"Well, we did take away her bed which she loved so much and replaced it with a hideous wooden box. I do feel guilty about this since half it was my idea. I think I'll have a talk with her and we will both go coffin shopping. After all, she should sleep in comfort." Integra reasoned.

Walter shook his head. "No mam. It's my fault. I did give her the coffin. That coffin was the only one I could get for a reasonable price. It was that wooden box with a cross or coffin plastered of stickers of Bret Michaels, Ozzy Osborne, and Gene Simmons. I doubt the police girl likes any of those revolting old men."

Alucard mummbled to Walter. "She likes you, doesn't she?"

Walter narrowed his eyes. "Pardon?"

"I said she likes cheese, but that's not the point." Alucard replied biting his lip from laughing.

Integra rolled her eyes but was dying of laughter from her servant's comeback to Walter and gave Pip a look to continue.

"_**Now Let's talk about the blood.**_

_**Dear Lord. If I have to hear another lecture of not drinking blood and letting go of my humanity I will literally confess to Integra it was Alucard who took the last cigar from the drawer that day she had her fit. "**_

"THE HELL!" Integra shouted as she looked at Alucard.

"…She's clearly lying." The count responded as he looked at his unconvinced master. "Or not.-"

"You will buy me another set!" Integra interrupted as she glared at him. "Keep going Pip!"

"_**Listen. I know I am like starving myself. But I am not ready to drink blood. I still am coming to terms that I am not all human. I still want to keep water ever traces of humanity I have left. I know it sounds stupid but I know the moment I drink the blood, I will officially be a vampire. It's a huge step! I know I can't turn back into a human but I can prolong the situation of becoming a vampire for a little while. **_

_**Sometimes I wish my master would understand that. I feel bad for not being an ideal servant to him, but I won't let him take away the one thing I have that makes me feel human. **_

_**Sorry I need a moment." **_

"To what?" Walter asked.

Alucard raised his eyebrows. "Well?"

Pip scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. " It just ends like that."

Integra blinked. "What on earth does she need a moment for?"

The French mercenary shrugged and turned the page and then smiled. "Oh there's more! Okay….Oh…"

"What's the matter Pip?" The Butler asked.

"There are old dried up wet spots in the page." Pip replied in confusion.

"…

_**Okay. I just re-read everything I wrote and I feel like a bitch. A cold hearted bitch. I'm sorry. My Master isn't a completely bad person. I just had a fight with him and well I had to vent here. **_

_**I just wanted to say, that although what I wrote before was true…He's really not that bad. **_

_**It's not his fault that I got a wooden box for a coffin…I blame Integra and or Walter for that!" **_

Pip and Alucard laughed as Integra and Walter looked at each other a little annoyed as well as guilty.

"_**Despite how he looks and acts, My Master actually has very kind qualities. For example, he does take the time to take me under his wing and teach me how to shoot like vampire, which is pretty amazing. **_

_**He also protects me from all the missions we go on. **_

_**But what I like most about him are our secret moments." **_

At this point, Pip raised his eyebrows in envy. "What does she mean secret? Moments? "

Alucard was confused himself. "The hell? I have no clue to what she's means. Maybe she thinks I had a crush on her or something like that."

Integra smirked and egged a slightly jealous Pip to read on.

"_**Some nights, when Integra and Walter are asleep. I would sneak into one of the room and watch television. I would go to the room that has the largest screen and that has a VHS system. **_

_**Alright, I'm gonna let you on a little secret. Watching Disney Movies, while being snuggled up in a warm blanket is one of my guilty pleasures.**_

_**Even after death, I still find myself doing this. **_

_**One night, (which happened to be Lion King night), I was sitting there, you know, sing a long to "The Circle of Life" and watching baby Simba being lifted for all the animals can witness the future king. **_

_**Anyway, Master comes out from the shadows and asks why I am I watching Disney movies. I remember blushing in embarrassment and told him everything. He called me an idiot and childish for this and laughed at me.**_

_**The thing that touched me was instead of leaving, he actually joined me.**_

_**Not only did he stay there to watch the whole thing, but during a musical number, he would actually tap his fingers, hum, and join in on the sing a longs with me! Haha I remember I couldn't stop giggling at how much enthusiasm he had for Scar's "Be Prepared" solo. " **_

Everyone at this point were laughing and couldn't believe Alucard of all people would even consider watching a Disney movie let alone sing a long while watching one.

Alucard scowled. "She will pay for this."

Pip smiled. " I think it's very sweet Alucard."

"I know!" Integra added. "You DO care for the girl. I mean, you really love her like family don't you?"

Walter beamed. "It's hard not too."

"Will you all shut up!" The Count muttered. "It was a one time thing that's all!"

"_**We both enjoyed it so much, once a week, we have movie night and watch Disney movies! Not just Disney movies. Like the other night, we watched "The Land Before Time" and I was crying so hard and I could have sworn that Master had a bloody tear in his eye too when Little Foot's Mother died, and when they reached the Great Valley. " **_

At this point, Alucard groaned as he slumped back in his chair. " Damn that girl!"

Everyone laughed, and Pip continued.

"_**My point is, as mentally insane and blood thirsty he is…He's not that bad. In fact, sometimes I feel he's just very misunderstood. I don't know too much about his past, but something tells me that something bad must have happened to him to make him be violent. **_

_**But admist all that he really is a good person. I know it. Because he saved my life, gave me a home, takes care of me, and helps me in anyway he can.**_

_**He doesn't have do be kind, nor do I expect him too…but in his own Alucard way…He is very kind. More so than most humans."**_

Pip smiled. "End of chapter. What do you think Alucard?"

Alucard groaned in annoyance as both Walter and Integra laughed.

"Just when I thought there was some hidden badassery in that girl, she pulled of a freakin Brady Bunch ending for me." The No Life King said as he sighed.

Integra smiled. "I think it was very sweet of her to apologize about her rants and how she found some admirable qualities about you."

Alucard scoffed. "Alright so what she said wasn't too bad. It could be worse.

Walter added. "She revealed you are a Disney Movie fan? If that isn't bad I don't know what is!"

The Count shot the Hellsing Butler a dirty look as Pip tossed the book to Walter.

Walter smiled. "I believe it is my turn. Ah! Yes. Here we go."

" **Chapter 3: Hellsing."**

_**To be continued: **_

_**Note: Lmao I had to. You all hate me but I had to add a mockery Twilight seen. I gotta say that I despise this line when the trailer came out on television and it bugged the living HECK outta of me.**_

**_Lmao I had to add some celebrities in there too! XD _**

_**Tehehe Anyway. Hope you liked it. :D **_


	5. Chapter 2: A's Notes: Back from the Dead

**Hello Everyone! VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME NO SEE. **

First off, I want to thank every one of you for all the reviews and PM's. I read them all last night and they made me smile. :D I want to apologize for disappearing nearly three years.

Okay, so those who follow me on DA, tumblr, etc. you may know or still may not know, I am currently in my last semester in college. I actually have five more weeks until I finish college now.

For those who have been commenting, PMing, reviewing why I haven't been on lately, you all deserve to know the truth and I'm no longer ashamed to say why.

**Here's the reason. **

I know what you might be thinking..._(Probably want me dead for leaving you all like this without a word. I don't blame you haha) _

The thing was, there was a couple of things I was going through.

At the time before my last update, I had really bad writer's block. But at first, I thought it would last a month or two. But it was more than just that. During this time of my semester, I had a couple of panic attacks, had a bad semester in 2012 were I passed my classes but I did not do well as I usually did since I am usually an A and B student.

The funny thing was I just didn't care. Then one day, when I was at the bus stop, I started listening to music, trying to plan out a layout for this fanfic Under the Same Moon, but then I realized I was crying a lot without making a sound. Tears kept pouring out and I could not stop. It really scared me and it was because I realized I was not okay when I was writing a line when Korra said "The thing is-I'm not okay Asami. I'm not..." That's when I lost it.

I found myself crying when I was typing out a story. It was the oddest thing. (LMAO trust me it wasn't because I thought I was a great writer or what I wrote moved me because it's not). It also wasn't just my writing. It was also my art. I love to draw and I come from a long line of artists and well, I found myself my stuff was not as good as I wanted to be, and then eventually, I didn't want to draw anymore and that is what basically scared me and when I realized I was sad. I felt if I couldn't draw well, I couldn't write well. So I just stopped. I was too scared to tell you all.

There were times I had to force myself to get out of bed to do things and how I did so was to keep a waterbottle next to me so I could splash it on my face to get up and change. There were times, where I would convince myself I could not cry in a classroom and if it was too much go I went to the bathroom, set my alarm for 5 mins, and allowed for 5 mins to cry in the bathroom until the beep came up, and when it did, I made myself stop, wipe my tears, and proceeded to go onward without crying throughout the day. Then there were times I could not sleep at night because I felt selfish for feeling this way when my friends had worse things going on with their lives and all relied on my to protect them because I am like the mother of my group.

But then I read some forums and realized it was not selfish to feel this way and it was okay to feel like this and heal on my own terms. So I set goals for myself, found healing through music, and other odd therapy activities I created myself. All in all, I became better in time.

About 2013 I was going to write again having overcome some issues I had with myself and such. But then, that's when things got worse. My dad lost his job and I was already applying for jobs but never got one because I never had experience.

Basically, apart from school, I was trying to find a job because my family was barely getting by and then our one and only car broke.

Finally, by the May 2013, I got a job as a office assistant from a medical office. I was so happy because my boss is so nice and gave me a chance knowing I never had a job and was willing to take the time to teach me everything.

This part time job helped me family so much so, we never had to ask anyone in our family to borrow money, and I was able to save enough to finally buy my family a new car as well.

But the sad thing was, apart from working part time and going to school full time, I felt bad that artistically, I craved to write and draw again, but found myself unable too.

These past years, I wanted to finish college since I made a plan and stuck by it when I got here and when my family hit the lowest point, I knew I had to do something. I was blessed with a wonderful job and boss and was able to provide for my family which is the most important thing to me. Now that I am finishing with school, I decided to probably take a semester -1 year off to go back to writing and drawing while working, but I have a new goal. I want to go to grad school probably in my same college and major in Special Education.

Now, that I am finishing up, I wanted to let you know I am intending to come back finishing my stories and have ideas for new ones. :)

I plan to update around the third week in December 2014 which is around the Holidays.

Once again thank you all so much.

**BEFORE I FORGET! I do need a Beta reader for my works. XD **

Yesterday I went to re-read my fanfics and omg I am so embarrassed of all the typos in my stories lmao. XD So if anyone would be willing to look at my stuff, that would be great. Of course, you will read my works before anyone else and I will mention you of course in the updates.


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